Snuggle-Bunny Unicorn Hamster

I just learned about cleaning paint brushes in fabric softener. Works great, by the way, but what’s up with that smell? Liquid fabric softener stinks. How can people stand that smell on their clothes all day? It’s like a snuggle-bunny unicorn hamster took a giant, steaming blossom-scented-April mountain-fresh-morning-dew-jasmine-renewal dump in the house. It’s like the Snuggle bear is making sweet, thorough, tender love to a 35 year-old woman who still dots her i‘s with hearts and loves the word moist. They’re in a field of glitter where unicorns eat rainbows and leave cotton candy droppings. It’s like my house just mated with a fluffy cloud of baby powder and nougat. You get the picture. Admittedly, it’s better than the smell when we had to put mothballs in the attic to keep the critters out. But only because I think the Snuggle-Bunny Unicorn Hamster could be this year’s big Christmas toy. Stay tuned to see if I decide to take that chump Tickle-Me-Elmo to the mat.

None of that is actually what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted you to understand that I’m hallucinating soft, fluffy bunnies and kittens and that I have an uncontrollable desire to run through a field of daisies and lavender and bubble gum. I WANT TO EAT MARSHMALLOW FLUFF WHILE DANCING WITH STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE AND KNITTING TOILET PAPER COZIES FROM THE TAIL OF MY LITTLE PONY, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!

Which brings up another point. You know what would be fun? You should come up with a game: Stripper or My Little Pony? Do that for me while I get some fresh air because I cannot for the life of me remember what I set out to talk about today.


3 Comments Add yours

  1. Desi says:

    Stripper or my little pony??? Thanks in advance for the messed-up dreams I’m gonna have later tonight…

    1. Susan says:


Just spit it out, already!

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