The One Where I Skip Around A Bunch

15 Sep

I have a bunch of new readers and subscribers–hey, y’all! Glad you’re here. You could be doing other productive things like filing your nails or eating donuts. Perhaps you’re one of them multitaskers and you’re doing all three! Thanks for spending part of your time with me. The more hits I have, the closer I am to TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION and I will totally remember all the little people I stepped on to get there. No, really. This little blog has taken off something fierce in the last couple of months and I’m humbled.

I’ve spent a good portion of today looking at Title X verbiage. Don’t know what that is? It’s federal grant money used by states to “assist in the establishment and operation of voluntary family planning projects which shall offer a broad range of acceptable and effective family planning methods and services. (including natural family planning methods, infertility services, and services for adolescents) The mission of Title X is to provide individuals the information and means to exercise personal choice in determining the number and spacing of their children.” That’s from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

I’m thinking about it because Shelby County has decided not to give this almost $400,000 grant to Planned Parenthood. Instead it is going to a faith-based community clinic. Tennessee gubment has made it very clear that they will do whatever it takes to put Planned Parenthood out of business. Shelby County has not yet deigned to tell us what put this other clinic in front of Planned Parenthood. When and if they do, I’ll write about it.

For now what I’ll say is that our government thinks that all there is to reproductive health is abortion. I was thinking that maybe instead of our “Don’t Say Gay” law, we should have a “Don’t Say Abortion” law. Oh, the quiet that would descend upon our lawmakers is the stuff of dreams. They’d have to focus on issues like unemployment and failing schools. Or sunflowers.

Yeah, sunflowers. Shelby County Environmental Court Judge Larry Potter upheld a citation given to Nutbush resident Adam Guerrero issued, in part, by the seven-foot tall sunflowers in Guerrero’s yard. Read the whole story here. Hannah Sayle writes that Guerrero, a math teacher at Raleigh-Egypt High School is teaching his students real skills in the yard. Y’all these kids are making their own biodiesel, for the love of Pete. Then they take the glycerin by-product of the  biodiesel and make their own soap.  Yeah, what’d you do in high school science class? Dissect a frog and flick its liver at the cute girl at the next table? Can you tell the difference between a Punnett square and a square root? This guy’s teaching kids IN HIS YARD. He’s got bees and squash and rain barrels and pepper plants and OH THE HUMANITY!!! What a nuisance this guy is!

But, come on. If the gubment’s not going to stay out of my uterus, it’s surely not going to stay out of my blueberries.

Personally? I’m happy to know all other environmental woes of Shelby County have been solved so we can spend more time fining people for excessive science.

And speaking of squash…

I just got the new Country Living in the mail. It’s been an embarrassment of riches in the magazine area this week. This is mag number five. The cover has these toile-decorated pumpkins on it. Dude, they wrapped these pumpkins in paper and THEY ARE ADORABLE.

What is that? WHAT IS THAT? When did I become the adult who looks at decoupaged pumpkins and thinks, “Oh, how adorable, Marge.” Oh, and they aren’t even real pumpkins. They’re Funkins. Yuh-huh. Funkins. As in look it up in your Funkin Wagnalls. These wallpapered Funkins MUST BE MINE.

I wonder is Mod Podge biodegradable? If you used a real pumpkin you could eat the guts and compost the rest. I’ll put that on my list. I’m not ashamed to say I often get funky with the Mod Podge.

Also? This.

 

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2 Responses to “The One Where I Skip Around A Bunch”

  1. debbie September 16, 2011 at 7:20 am #

    You like painted gourds, too? Check it:

    http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/its-decorative-gourd-season-motherfuckers

    • Susan September 16, 2011 at 8:35 am #

      YES! I love that piece! I went around all last Fall going CHECK OUT MY DECORATIVE GOURDS, MOTHERFUCKERS! Strangely, my husband only found it funny like not at all. I’m so glad you reminded me it’s decorative gourd season!

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