Your Best Day! A Better Day. Okay, A Day That Doesn’t Suck.

11 Oct

Here at Standard Shed Life Coaching, a subsidiary of BergsieCo, we want you to have YOUR BEST DAY YET! Or at least a better day than yesterday. Okay, what if we shoot for a day that’s better than a day you have a root canal? You see, here at SSLC, we want you not to shoot for the stars, but something more attainable. Like maybe going a day without mentioning a Kardashian.

You need to grow as a person.

Y’all, that’s really important. You cannot actualize the best you of you and reach for the stars that make you you if you don’t grow as a person. You need to get up every day, face the sun, light some sage, and say, “Today I will stop growing as a potato and grow as a person. Thank you, sun, for warming me so my roots will take root of my person being self spirit.” This is the most positive affirming life lesson affirmation you can do. It sets your intentions for the day and wakes your being self spirit to open to new positive positives.

A positive positive is twice as good as a positive.

To bring out the best of your spirit self animal, you must embrace the positive positive of yourself. Just embracing the positive is not enough. You must be committed 110% to being the best you self spirit there is.

You are strong. You are proud.

I believe Matthew Wilder said it best in his under-appreciated masterpiece “Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break My Stride”: I sailed away to China/in a little rowboat to find ya/but you said you had to get your laundry cleaned. You must set your priority intentions. You have to get your laundry cleaned. Self actualization cannot happen without pure, sage-infused, clean laundry. You must do what you have to do because you are strong and proud and about to be the best spirit elk positive bear you can be. DO NOT PUT OFF YOUR LAUNDRY.

Me Time Is You Time

In order to simplify your life, you’ll need the following:

  • Paper that dissolves in water. BergsieCo is in the process of sourcing sustainable, free trade, cruelty free, vegan, dolphin-safe, dissolving paper. We had to let our former paper partner loose after it was disclosed that in 1972, the CEO’s sister’s neighbor’s hairdresser made a statement that could have been construed as supporting Nixon’s secretary for sergeant-at-arms of  a Virginia chapter of the DAR. We at BergsieCo do not support the militarization of daughters. But once we get the dissolving paper, you will need it to write down your thoughts that you will then give back to the great water intention spirit.
  • Sandalwood lavender cocoa blueberry Meditation Candle. We will have these available soon. They will be $40 per hour of burning time. We like to give you flexible, realistic options for those of you on a spirit budget.
  • Investment Gratitude Pig. These look like old-fashioned piggy banks, but they are made by blind virgin handicrafts-women in Outer Nepolangolialand which is a section of Asia so remote, so backwards, so off-the-grid that even Radical Feminist Theory majors at Bennington can’t tell you where it is.
  • Yoga pants
  • Graciousness Water Drinking Vessel. These are made by the brothers of the Outer Nepolangolialand handicrafts-women. With every drink, a small bell tinkles from the bottom of the Vessel reminding you to be thankful for your gracious spirit bird self.
To begin, these will be the only items you will need to simplify your life and open it to receive your best holy self spirit meditation guide. It goes without saying, you will need to burn some sage in one of our Sage Intention Spirit Cleansing Holy Guide Pots. (available in alabaster, songbird, or starlight colors)
You will then be ready for your Me Time is You Time unless it’s now time to go get the kids, in which case, you need the Me Me Me Travel Kit for SUVs. This kit consists of soothing music to ease any residual guilt you might feel driving a Suburban with a REDUCE REUSE RECYCLE sticker on the bumper.
Now, sit down, light some sage and a MeditationGroundingSpirit Candle, and repeat this mantra:
I am me, the spirit of the me which is the me of me.
I am strong, beautiful, and wise. Until it is all about me,
centered with me, and catered to me, I cannot help
you with the you of you. And I’m talking to you, husband spirit.
I am growing as a person. I am through not growing as a person.
I give the growth that is not growth as a person up to The Universe.
Ommmmmmmmmm….
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2 Responses to “Your Best Day! A Better Day. Okay, A Day That Doesn’t Suck.”

  1. little merry sunshine October 11, 2011 at 11:40 pm #

    I’m comment #2. When will my $100 arrive?

  2. Didi October 11, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

    my positive spirit bear just threw up in its mouth a little bit. Can I order a Spirit Pot in alabaster? Thanks.

Just spit it out, already!

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