Ways To Tell You Are REALLY Southern

20 Oct
  • Dinner tonight consists of sausage spinach quiche, pork chops, sausage and rice stuffed onions. It bothers you not that every dish contains pork.
  • You know there are at least two kinds of iced tea spoons.
  • You know the silver patterns of all your best girlfriends.
  • You own more than one deviled egg tray.
  • And more than one relish tray.
  • You know there’s a difference between exclaiming Lord! and Laws!
  • You have a hymnal from some denomination somewhere in your house even if you’ve not been to church since the Reagan administration.
  • You plant a magnolia solely for use in holiday decorating.
  • You horde pecans in your freezer.
  • You have given a teething baby bourbon.
  • You had a slog while you were at it.
  • You have a signature dish you are asked to bring to potlucks.
  • You have more than one chafing dish.
  • You have never bought dining room furniture because you have Momma’s/Gran’s/Aunt Mittie’s.
  • You think furniture bought en suite is the work of the devil and a sure sign of the fall of civilization.
  • You have an MBA from The Wharton School and an entire library of Hank Williams albums.
  • Most are 78s.
  • You can think of at least five other things for this list.
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9 Responses to “Ways To Tell You Are REALLY Southern”

  1. little merry sunshine October 21, 2011 at 3:02 pm #

    You have at least one relative whose proper given name is “Sonny Boy.” Homemade Fruitcake is a staple food.

    • grandefille October 21, 2011 at 7:42 pm #

      And one relative known so universally as “Aunt Sis” or “Uncle Brother” that people did not recognize her/his obituary in the paper. ;oD

  2. grandefille October 21, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    Ah take offense to this list. Ah do! Ah demand satisfaction!

    Dressing (NOT STUFFING my LORD) recipes at 30 paces … ;oD

    I have a card I bought years ago that has a vintage B&W snapshot of a heavily lipsticked woman sitting on an outdoor chaise with one eyebrow cocked. The inside reads, “GIVE ME BACK MY DEVILED-EGG TRAY YOU PAINTED-ON-EYEBROWED HUSSY.”

    Ah, Southern womanhood at its passive-aggressive finest.

    I am now going to go sit down at my dining-room table, which my great-granddaddy made as a wedding present for my great-aunt. (The 1921 chairs came from Sears and Roebuck’s, though; he got furious at the thought of using a lathe on those spindles.) Y’all come on over and sit down with me; there’s plenty of sweet tea, and I can heat up some chicken and dressing right quick. (The pork chops weren’t on sale this week.)

    (Shorter version of this comment: AH LOVE THIS. AH DO!)

    • Susan October 21, 2011 at 2:23 pm #

      Someone recently asked if I made dressing or stuffing. I had to take a moment. There was pearl clutching.

      • grandefille October 21, 2011 at 7:48 pm #

        It’s really hard not to respond, “Honey, what is WRONG with you?!?” to that, isn’t it? But we just grit out, “Oh, shug, bless yer HAAART.” Here’re.

      • grandefille October 21, 2011 at 7:54 pm #

        “Here’re”???

        I not only damn autocorrect, I hereby call it ignorant and common. Teetering precipitously on the edge of traaash, in fact.

        Hey, that’s another for the list; You can make the word “trash” into three juicily intonated syllables.

        :curtseys:

      • Susan October 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm #

        I threw down a “tra-yash” yesterday in relation to a person whom I believe to be, as my daddy says, so inbred she bleeds white. Bless her heart.

  3. four October 21, 2011 at 6:01 am #

    I’m sorry, but where I’m from, you live north of Memphis, you’re a Yankee.

  4. sjs1959 October 20, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    The other thing that I learned from this is, despite having lived in the South for 44 of my 52 years, that I am still a damned Midwesterner. I refuse to call myself a Yankee because I have only spent ONE DAY of my life in New England. 🙂

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