Yes, This Is What I Do ALL Day

3 Nov

I have a very active imagination. I know. Hard to believe, right?  I have these characters I’ve developed in my head over the years. I’ve thought about turning them into monologues and staging them. I was an actor once upon a time. But then I got over it because, well, the problem with acting is actors. And Artistic Directors.  I’m enough of a micro-managing control freak that I wouldn’t want anyone else playing these characters. So they just sort of sit around in my head and in little notes I make here and there.

Occasionally on long trips when I am alone, I will bust out one of these characters. I had one for several years who was a CIA spy whose cover was running a bakery in Richton, Mississippi. If you’ve ever driven from Memphis to Destin, (Which all y’all Memphis people seem to do. What is the gravitational pull to Destin? There are more Memphians in Destin in July than there are Memphians in Memphis. Same thing with Pickwick Lake. Why do you want to vacation somewhere where you’ll keep running into your neighbors?) you’ve probably seen the turnoff to Richton-Perry County Airport. That’s what they graciously call the landing strip in the middle of a field. I refer to it as Richton International Airport mainly because it’s where my spy baker sneaks out under cover of darkness.

I found that Richton, being rural and small, was a great place to stash a spy because of guns. Let’s say she leaves out a rocket propelled grenade launcher. Just by accident. Like she’s cleaning it and OOPS! The neighbor lady stops by with a pound cake. Having an RPG in the middle of your grandma’s dining table would not be the strangest thing for a rural Mississippian to find in a neighbor’s house. She’d get more whispers from having a Mezuzah tacked to the door or a Buddist alter tucked away in a guest room.

I KNOW that a CIA spy would not keep an RPG stashed in her dining room, okay? THIS IS MY STORY.

If by chance  you have ever read a blog I used to have, you may know that I have imaginary twins. They are Formicadinette and Sizzlene. Formicadinette is five and Sizzlene is almost six. They compete in what’s known as the Hi Glitz Lil’ Lovely Miss Impetigo Pageant circuit. They are a MESS, those two. Formicadinette has had trouble with her shuffle ball change since her first tapjazzfusiontribalballet lesson at 16 months old. Sizzlene keeps moving from her head voice to her chest voice. IN THE SAME SONG. I was not going to be one of those horrible Pageant Moms, BUT in their first pageant, they won talent with a dance to the classic “Mr. Roboto” and took home the prize of a Catnapper® Ranger Comfort Choice Camo Living Room Sofa from the fine folks at Bass Pro. Like such:

Lemme just tell you, once I found out I could furnish my home from those two rotten children, I was in. Honey, I was ALL IN.

Anyway, that’s kind of an introduction to what it’s like in mah head. I’m thinking that in an effort to grow as a writer (as opposed to grow as a beanstalk) that I might introduce you to some of these characters from time to time.

Sort of give them room to roam.

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