The Grounds, Formerly Occupy Bucksnort

27 Nov

 

Occupy Bucksnort has reached an agreement with Starbucks to sponsor the Occupy encampment, now known as The Grounds by Starbucks (Occupy Bucksnort). Missing her daily Skinny Peppermint Mochas, protester Kelly March struck a deal with a nearby Nashville Starbucks to distribute festive, seasonal coffee-like drinks to the protesters. Starbucks will also supply branded fleece blankets to protesters at The Grounds.

While initially disregarding Ms. March’s actions as totally contrary to everything the Occupy Movement stands for, the soft brushed fleece of the generously sized lap blankets and the warmth of the environmentally friendly latte cups have made believers out of some protesters.

Said Mark Hawkins, a marketing major at Vanderbilt, “At first? I was like whoa? Um, like isn’t that why we’re here? Like to protest corporate ownership of everything? Then, like once the sun set? I was like, yeah, I’ll have a Cinnamon Dolce Latte to warm the bones. And that fleece? It’s performance fleece.”

Starbucks regional spokesperson Darlene Kent issued this statement:

“We are beyond thrilled to be the sole corporate sponsor of The Grounds by Starbucks (Occupy Bucksnort). Starbucks has a long tradition of community involvement and we’re proud of this developing synergy between Starbucks and Occupy Bucksnort. This really started as a back of the napkin idea of Ms. March’s, and we couldn’t be more excited about our role in future doors of Grounds by Starbucks throughout the country.”

 A twenty-two-year-old occupier who goes by the name Ben and Jerry’s Wavy Gravy as an homage to both the famous hippie activist and his favorite ice cream, is not embracing the new partnership. “You can’t just go slapping corporate logos all over everything without VOTING! We are the 99%! This is a pure democracy, man. We’ve got to put this to a vote. MIC CHECK!”

Ms. March, a speech pathologist from Dixon, believed there are some kind corporate personages out there and wanted to bring them into the Occupy Movement to help defray some of the expenses incurred by the Movement.

“Ultimately, I’d really like to bring Waste Management or BFI in. I mean, that’s dreaming big, I know, but even a small encampment like Occu…I mean, The Grounds by Starbucks (Occupy Bucksnort) has troubles with, um, I don’t want to be rude, my mother might read this. Let’s just say even fifteen people can mess up the facilities at Bucksnort Tote-Sum, and they’ve been so kind to us already by giving us discounts on Fresca and Swedish Fish. And, let’s face it, if we’re going to be drinking more coffee, well, I’d really like to look into our options.”

Ms. March isn’t concerned about detractors. “Listen, I know people are going to look at Bucksnort like we don’t know what we’re doing. But I think they’re wrong. The Occupy Movement is a great time to make new friends. Doing business with such a friendly company like Starbucks has been eye-opening. They really do care. I know people say they put the little guy out of business and they ‘greenwash’, whatever that is, but I say there’s a place for them and their blankets. And that’s here at The Grounds by Starbucks (Occupy Bucksnort).”

Asked if the sharing of the word “buck” in both Starbucks and Bucksnort had anything to do with the sponsorship, Ms. March answered, “Honestly? I’ve never thought of it! It’s like it was meant to be!”

Ms. March added, without a trace of irony, “Maybe I should give up speech pathology for marketing. I could be one of those job creators I keep hearing about. Isn’t that what Occupy is about? Jobs?”

The Occupy Nashville Movement has made pains to distance itself from its country cousin. The General Assembly issued the following statement:

“Occupy Nashville does not condone the actions of our former sister movement in Bucksnort. While we all really, really, really miss our piping hot delicious coffee served to us in the warmth of a neighborhood coffee shop, and could really use a cheese Danish  if truth be known, we must stand united against corporate greed. Even if it does come wrapped in thick, luscious performance fleece.”

 

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