Like a Frikkin Laser With a Thumbprint in the Center

15 Feb

A couple of years ago I’d gone to the minor med for what I thought was a sinus infection. They asked me if I had migraines, but treated me with some nasal spray that seemed to work in the sense I was no longer in so much pain that ripping my eyeballs out with a garden hoe was preferable to the way I felt. BUT WAIT. There’s more.  The plot thickens.

A few days before Christmas I had a thing. I’d had a headache, but not a terrible one. I got up from doing something at my desk and saw this thing in front of my eye. It was as if I had something on my contacts. But I didn’t have my contacts on and the thing I saw was moving. Pulsing. It looked a little like this. I’m too lazy to make a gif out of it, so imagine it’s pulsing and radiating, okay? For me?

By the way? That center image is based on a kicky little ikat print from Dwell Studio. They didn’t pay me to say that, but I saw this fabric the other day and wall all CUTE! And then I was all HEY! That’s my hallucination!

Nice fabric waits for no headache.

So I go to the minor med. They check me for strep because, well, that’s what they do. They checked my blood sugar. The doctor says sometimes sinus problem will cause the thumbprint. Oh, I forgot to tell you about the thumbprint. That weird thing was smudged in the middle like when you leave a fingerprint on glass. Then she says it could be an ocular migraine. Do I have migraines? Then, in my head? I heard this sound like they always make in movies when someone’s trying to crack a safe and all the tumblers line up and Charlize Theron is happy because it means her daddy loves her and she can marry Marky Mark. Or something.

Now, it’s at this point I should tell you I went to The Googles. I KNOW! SHUT UP! But I thought at first I was having a stroke. And I couldn’t get Chuck and I was trying not to panic. And, of course, not wanting to panic, I went to some site which told me OMIGAWD!! DETACHED RETINA! CORTICAL SPREADING DEPRESSION! SCINTILLATING SCOTOMA! I don’t know what that is, but if I’m going to have a Dreaded Disease, at least it’s scintillating, right?

So all this to say I’m going to the doctor soon and I based on my years experience in Googling medical conditions, I believe I have ocular migraines. And the point of all this is to say to those of you with migraines–not just bad headaches, but migraines– I AM SO SORRY.

Because if I’ve got this migraine business, I’m not getting them too often and they seem to be reasonably manageable. For those of you who don’t have the luxury of good drugs or infrequent bouts, I do not know how you do this. And it really peels my tomatoes that the options seem to be hurt more, hurt less, or go into a chemical coma.

And people who say they have migraines when they just have bad headaches or want to be dramatic, allow me to bitch slap them for you. As many times as you’d like.

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4 Responses to “Like a Frikkin Laser With a Thumbprint in the Center”

  1. Debbie February 20, 2012 at 6:40 am #

    Gita’s migraines sound a lot like mine, although my ocular hallucination is more like a dancing snake, squiggling around just to the side of my line of vision. It is so compelling that I too cannot drive or really do anything but sit back and wait for it to pass. The one time I did not also take 3 Advils, I ended up with a scorcher of a headache that left me incapacitated for at least 8 hours, so as soon as the squiggles begin, I go immediately for the medicine cabinet. Luckly, the headache rarely blooms.

    Good luck. These things run in families, so you may soon discover that an aunt or cousin knows all about what works for your chemical disposition.

    • Susan February 20, 2012 at 9:27 am #

      My mother has been treated–unsuccessfully– for sinus headaches. I’m wondering now if it’s actually migraines.

  2. rolling my eyes at the world February 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    I have these occasionally but nothing as interesting as yours. Mine are more of the blind spot variety. I also want to slap people when they describe their headache as a migraine while they are out running errands or shopping. It’s the same feeling I get when people come to work claiming they “think they may have the flu.” No, if you have the FLU you don’t go to work, you don’t care if you ever go to work, and you don’t remember if you called in sick and don’t care if you didn’t because you are going to DIE anyway.

  3. Gita February 16, 2012 at 11:52 am #

    I get these same ocular migraines about twice per month. Mine have a semicircular jagged pattern and they last no more than 25 minutes. They come on quickly and I am too blind to drive a car.
    My means of coping are as follows: I lie down or recline with something over my eyes to shut out light. I wait, and I find that the time can be used productively to ponder life’s mysteries (why is Rick Santorum’s face so long and how can I get a Genius Grant.)
    When your spell passes, drink something with caffeine.

Just spit it out, already!

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