Life Coaching for Family

8 Jun

Dear Standard Life Coach,

When my mother-in-law likes a piece of clothing or color I wear, she tells me it looks “well” on me. I don’t think this could be right. What do I do?

Signed,

Lovely in Puce.

Dear LiP,

Ah, yes. Standard Life Coach feels your pain. Being told that color looks well on you is a compliment to the color, not to your own cute self. And we’re not aware that a watermelon linen big shirt can get sick, so we’re not sure how it can ever be well. It can FIT well, yes. LOOK well? Nay.

We would say celebrate the fact your wannabe pretentious MIL compliments you at all! And, as always, resist the urge to thank her for the compliment since the sweater you’re wearing had a bit of a head cold last week.

Sincerely,

SLC

Dear Life Coach,

My sister gets royally pissed whenever she goes to a restaurant which does not have a dairy-free option for her daughter with a milk allergy, a gluten-free option for her son with a wheat allergy, or a nut-free environment for her youngest son who I don’t really think has a tree nut allergy, I think he’s just a brat.

I never want to dine with her in public because it’s such an ordeal. What can I do?

Signed,

Inedible  in Indianapolis

Dear IiI,

First, we know to what your pseudonym refers, but that does not make it any easier not to snicker at it.

Now, on to business. Yes, SLC shares your pain of trying to dine with someone with bad restaurant karma. SLC firmly believes restaurants are under no obligation to fulfill the wishes of those with strict dietary restrictions. We believe it is incumbent upon the person (or parent of the person) with dietary restrictions to do due diligence before dining out.

The bigger issue might be how not to be a royal pain in the ass. We believe if people such as your sister didn’t have allergies to bitch about, they’d just find something else. Our guess is she has never ordered off the menu and never said please-n-thank you, and so has therefore eaten a lot of spit and snot in her time. We are not sure how eating spit affects the cognitive process, but it can’t be good for a person.  We would not accept dining out invitations with her simply on the guilt-by-association principal–meaning you shouldn’t have to eat spit just because she’s high maintenance. Stop going out with her. Fake cramps or an impending library book due date if you must.

With Sympathy,

SLC

Dear Coach,

I found my husband and his best friend watching an episode of Weeknights With Giada with the sound turned down. Should I be concerned? Becasue I am. And also freaked out. 

Help,

Food Porn Interventionist

Dear FPI,

Only if they also had Barry White on the stereo. Boys can’t resist the shimmy. Chill out with some reeeCOTtah and keeAHNtay.

In Solidarity,

SLC

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