Banned From The Library

Okay, so here’s the deal. I had a little thing the other day. I believe what happened was an alien took over my person, began jumping up and down on my lungs, then laid eggs in my brain. That’s what it felt like. You remember the warning of the communist plot to sap us of our precious bodily fluids? I believe I am a victim of such a conspiracy. The nice doctor told me I was not having a heart attack or aneurysm, but a bitch of a migraine. She maintained she found no evidence of aliens or communists, but you know doctors. They always overlook the obvious. I was given much medicine for nausea and a bucket-full of dilaudid. It was also suggested that if I didn’t visit a neurologist she would burn my home. As bad as I felt, I wondered if she would have an issue with doing so while I was home. It was a really bad headache.

So that’s part of why I haven’t been around.

Another reason is that I hate everyone. Everyone but you, OBVIOUSLY. I took a tech break. You see, a woman’s body shuts down in defense of stupid. I spent most of last week detoxing from the stupid by watching The West Wing and yelling at my husband about issues we didn’t really disagree on. I just needed a good vent. So you know how sometimes I say if I don’t get something out then my head will explode? Yeah, turns out that’s true.

But that’s not even my point. My point is that I’ve been checking out e-books from the library. Now, I’m a fast reader. And I also believe that life is too short to finish a book that sucks. So I’ve been checking out and returning more than a few books the past week or two. The E-Book Brownshirts from the Lieberry say that I cannot check out any e-books right now as I have ABUSED my lending privileges by checking out and then returning too many books. The message says, “We’re sorry, but there have been too many titles checked out and returned by your account within a short period of time. Please try again in several days.”

Listen, twice I’ve downloaded Kindle books, okay? I have a Kindle app on my phone. But generally Kindle library books cannot be read on the app, they have to be downloaded by USB to a supported device. NOW I have learned to make sure I’m downloading the Adobe format to read on my Overdrive app. But really. I don’t think the public library should penalize me for not paying attention. I’M ON DRUGS AND I WANT TO READ CRAPPY NOVELS!

Yeah, I’m back, bitches.



10 Comments Add yours

  1. Evan Banned says:

    Man, this is just another problem with ebook library lending that the library has no say in. The limit is probably in place because they think you will get a book, copy it, return it and rinse and repeat. Another byproduct of napster abuse that publishers insist on that libraries have been doing without for years.

    I’m sorry you are not feeling well and hope you find a book that makes you feel better.

  2. Glad you are back…and feeling better. Was wondering where you were all those weeks. I like your postings. You are very rapidly becoming one of my favorite writers. Great work. Will

    1. Susan says:

      Man, Will. Thanks. That means a lot to me.

  3. Gita8 says:

    There have been a lot of headaches and uterus aches in the USA over the past three weeks. It doesn’t take rocket science or a neurologist to … you catch my drift.
    Hey, forget E-books.
    E-books is a twat. Send that nice husband of yours to the public library with a list. You can get ten books and keep them two weeks.
    But let’s get to the important issue here.
    They gave you Dilaudid. You have a supply of Dilaudid. I want and adore Dilaudid. Send me some without delay.

    1. Susan says:

      Yeah, so here’s what sucks. They sent me home with Midrin or something instead. All the Dilaudid I wanted then. None to share. Oh, and I would share. I absolutely would.

  4. Little Merry Sunshine says:

    Oh my God!! I’ve missed you!!! August has been a bad months for migraines. Something in the air I think. I also detox the stupid with a healthy dose of Josh Lyman and President Bartlett. The library is crazy.

    1. Susan says:

      I really want to see if anyone’s made a video of WW characters saying “okay” and “yeah”.

  5. Rachel says:

    I’m guessing this is some nonsense that Overdrive (or whatever ebook vendor your library has) requires, rather than something your library is actually choosing to impose. Ugh. See also: why librarians get really annoyed at ebook vendors, part eleventymillion.

    “…detoxing from the stupid by watching The West Wing and yelling at my husband about issues we didn’t really disagree on.” – This made me literally LOL. Not that I would ever do such a thing. Or think I need to do it again, pronto. Ahem.

    1. Susan says:

      My bestie just took pity on me and brought me TWO live books. The great thing about the ebooks is that they self destruct so no late fees, right? I guess it’s a decent trade off. IN GENERAL. Just not today.

  6. This might help: And boy, many of them are crappy but free!

Just spit it out, already!

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