Briefly

20 Feb

tweet yallYes, I’ve been off social media for a while. Didn’t notice? Congratulations, YOU have a life.

Because I have some friends who are having weird horrible days today, let me just tell you that NOT ONLY did I burst into tears in the Auto Zone parking lot, I had to use Fix-A-Flat and CANNOT get the stench off me. I have showered AND rubbed my hands with alcohol. I have just washed my hands with vanilla extract. Now I am high and smell like a delightful baked treat.

YOU ARE WELCOME, INTERNET!!

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2 Responses to “Briefly”

  1. Susan February 20, 2014 at 5:56 pm #

    Would you move in with us and be my sister wife?

  2. grandefille February 20, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

    I always ask for the vanilla air freshener at the car wash. I drive around in a giant cupcake for a month and I LIIIIIKE IT. Mmmmmmm, cupcake.

    [furtively licks steering wheel at stoplight; gets caught by shocked fellow motorist; tries to appear nonchalant, fails]

    We have missed you desperately and want to stand alongside you, fists upraised, ready to smack down anyone and anything that wants to mess with you or upset you in any way. Mess with our Susan, will you? We will beat your ass for you!

    That’s just good old Southern hospitality, as you well know: you don’t have to go to the trouble of beating your own ass, because I will do it FOR you. Just sit down ovair on the porch ‘n’ have some sweet tea while I beatcher ass for yew. Naw, no trouble at all. Not a bit. Jeet yet?

    (I have never used the word “ass” this many times in my life. Somewhere a herd of donkeys are looking fearfully over their donkey shoulders, afraid I will find them and beat them for them. But no, never, little donkeys.)

    Why are you running away from the computer, Susan? Come back! Wait! I’ll shut up.

    xoxo

    (Every bit of the preceding is true and heartfelt. We are glad to see you back and wish you and your dear ones all the best. xoxo)

Just spit it out, already!

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