My gorgeous and talented friend Leigh gave me a little notebook that I keep in my purse. I use it to write down titles of books and movies I come across, grocery lists, and random bits of conversation that I want to remember. I was just going through it and found some random notes with absolutely no context AT ALL.
- Interpretive cave tap isn’t something just everyone can pull off.
- It’s not like you can soft-shoe in a cave.
- That’s a go-to-hell Mennonite shed with nice shangles.
- She’s common as pig tracks.
- “Think of it as reupholstering. Your face is like a sofa. Every twenty years or so it gets worn from too many people sitting on it.” (Note: I believe that might be from an Elizabeth Berg novel.)
- Definitely use grommets.
- Tell him how the cow ate the cabbage.
- Then I am a liar and you are a pretty little girl.
- Plow behind a willing mule.
- Gassy goblins
- “I’m not your cleaning-up monkey.”
- “I think in this case the point IS mute because you aren’t listening to me.”
- The one about how he beats his meat to make his chili
- Snot-slinging drunk
- Drunk as Moody’s goose
I think that’s a novel right there.
The Good, The Bad, and The Hungry
The Outlaw Johnson and Wales
True Shrimp and Grits
A Fistful of Dollar Menus
The Wild Bunch of Turnips
The Magnificent Seven Layer Dip
Blazing Saddles of Lamb
For A Few Dollars More You Can Supersize That
Lonesome Dove in a Wine Shallot Reduction
Red River Trout
Ride The High Country Fried Steak
Mackenna’s Golden Fried Onion Rings
She Wore a Yellow Squash
A list of things I did today that were not writing a post for the blog. In no particular order.
- Drove unwillingly to the suburbs. Not like at gunpoint unwillingly, but not like HEY! MY WEEK WILL NOT BE COMPLETE WITHOUT A TRIP TO COLLIERVILLE!!
- Drove very fast out of the suburbs.
- Researched whether or not we are still technically at war with Korea. Answer? Kinda, no. We were never technically at war, but we did sign an armistice. An armistice is not a peace treaty, but it does mean the sides agree to a permanent ceasefire.
- Learned that technically Russia and Japan are still at war. There was a dispute over the Southern Kuril Islands and they never signed a peace treaty after World War II.
- Was reminded the US did not restore diplomatic ties with Vietnam until 1995.
- Regretted my decision to take a class on Faulkner, Fitzgerald, and Hemingway for the simple reason the instructor says, “uh” too much.
- Got over it.
- Talked to my daddy who lovingly reminded me sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes really is daylight, but most of the time is attached to a train.
- Promised never to question the genetics of cynicism again.
- Had an AWESOMETERRIFICKILLER idea for a blog post and forgot it before I wrote a note to self.
- Pondered this question posed by Chuck Klosterman in Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs:
You’ve met your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years someone will break both of your soul mate’s collarbones with a crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear–for the rest of your life–sound as if it’s being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. if you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Lane Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?