Tag Archives: precious bodily fluids

Banned From The Library

28 Aug

Okay, so here’s the deal. I had a little thing the other day. I believe what happened was an alien took over my person, began jumping up and down on my lungs, then laid eggs in my brain. That’s what it felt like. You remember the warning of the communist plot to sap us of our precious bodily fluids? I believe I am a victim of such a conspiracy. The nice doctor told me I was not having a heart attack or aneurysm, but a bitch of a migraine. She maintained she found no evidence of aliens or communists, but you know doctors. They always overlook the obvious. I was given much medicine for nausea and a bucket-full of dilaudid. It was also suggested that if I didn’t visit a neurologist she would burn my home. As bad as I felt, I wondered if she would have an issue with doing so while I was home. It was a really bad headache.

So that’s part of why I haven’t been around.

Another reason is that I hate everyone. Everyone but you, OBVIOUSLY. I took a tech break. You see, a woman’s body shuts down in defense of stupid. I spent most of last week detoxing from the stupid by watching The West Wing and yelling at my husband about issues we didn’t really disagree on. I just needed a good vent. So you know how sometimes I say if I don’t get something out then my head will explode? Yeah, turns out that’s true.

But that’s not even my point. My point is that I’ve been checking out e-books from the library. Now, I’m a fast reader. And I also believe that life is too short to finish a book that sucks. So I’ve been checking out and returning more than a few books the past week or two. The E-Book Brownshirts from the Lieberry say that I cannot check out any e-books right now as I have ABUSED my lending privileges by checking out and then returning too many books. The message says, “We’re sorry, but there have been too many titles checked out and returned by your account within a short period of time. Please try again in several days.”

Listen, twice I’ve downloaded Kindle books, okay? I have a Kindle app on my phone. But generally Kindle library books cannot be read on the app, they have to be downloaded by USB to a supported device. NOW I have learned to make sure I’m downloading the Adobe format to read on my Overdrive app. But really. I don’t think the public library should penalize me for not paying attention. I’M ON DRUGS AND I WANT TO READ CRAPPY NOVELS!

Yeah, I’m back, bitches.